Edson: Players Confess Their REAL New Year’s Resolutions
Let’s face it, athletes are getting more and more like business people.
That is, they will spit out politically correct answers to questions they feel totally different about.
With that in mind, I’ve come up with some New Year’s Resolutions questions for some athletes we all know. Their first answers will be politically correct. Their real answers came after I dipped inside their minds.
Here we go:
Question: Hey, Matthew Stafford, what kind of progress did the Lions make this year under new coach Matt Patricia?
PC Answer: He brought in a new system and it took us most of the year for all of us to get used to each other. Next year will be much better.
Real Answer: Let’s face it, we took a major step back this year. At least with coach (Jim) Caldwell, we were playoff contenders. With coach Patricia, it was all talk and no results. Look, I need more weapons to throw to. This could get ugly real quickly next year.
Question: Hey, Blake Griffin, it looks like the Pistons are headed toward the playoffs. What do you think?
PC Answer: No question about it. Our team is like a family… we go through hot spells and cold spells. But we’ve got the talent to not only make the playoffs, but make a nice playoff run.
Real Answer: This is the most inconsistent team I’ve ever been on. Andre Drummond shoots free throws like a third grader. As a point guard, Reggie Jackson should be looking to pass first and make the offense better. Instead, all he thinks about is getting his points. Unless we make a trade or two to upgrade our team, we don’t have a shot at making the playoffs.
Question: Hey, Miguel Cabrera, are you feeling healthy again and do you think you’ll bounce back after two sub-par seasons?
PC Answer: I feel as good as I’ve felt in three years and that means I’ll be producing big numbers – batting .300 with 30 or more home runs and better than 100 RBI.
Real Answer: Our Tigers team is going to be so terrible, it really won’t matter what I do. I’m getting old, so the only thing I care about is bringing in a big paycheck. I’ll grant a couple interviews during spring training and the season, but I don’t want any part of being a team leader.
Question: Hey Bryce Harper, what’s it like being the most sought-after free agent on the baseball market?
PC Answer: It’s tough. And the truth is, it’s not about the money. It’s about the best fit for my family.
Real Answer: It’s all about the money. I could care less where I play as long as I can back in my Brink’s truck and haul away $30 million a year from someone.
Nick Edson is a retired Hall of Fame columnist and sportswriter. He worked 25 years at the Traverse City Record-Eagle, 18 as sports editor. He is a two-time president of the Associated Press Sports Editors Association and a member of the Michigan Basketball Coaches Hall of Fame.